I've been really enjoying the blog posts from Tim Willard. There is something about his writing that I can relate to on an emotional level. This post from today really moved me.... Here is most of the post. See his blog here.
For the misunderstood, the pioneer, the "spirit led," the leader:
by Timothy Willard
Everybody thinks I'm fine. They think I'm great. I make them laugh. I swoon over life...Everybody thinks I'm strong... I'm the one who never gives up. I'm the one who fights, and keeps fighting. Everybody thinks I'm indestructible. They think so, and then wait for me to fail. I'm the one running off the cliff. I'm flying, with no wings.
And there I am; the one nobody sees, clinging to your flickering in the dark--hope of hope, dancing from shadow to shadow like a nocturnal butterfly. I am the one praying this all works out, trembling over my children while they sleep. I am the one praying my worry away on long walks up into the English hills.I am the one, weak and wanting, waiting for a word from the Word--I cannot bear when the silence comes.And it does.And so, the impatient one, must wait and walk, walk and wait. For the unseen pulls me on, and into silence I walk, into silence I wait. I find, there in the silence, the unnerving presence of a giant, a spirit, the Phantom. In my flesh I push on the Phantom, wrestling him to the ground, yelling, crying, accusing and demanding. I push on him. He does not give, but he takes it."Why do you not answer," I growl as we tumble down the countryside. "Do you not care?" And then he pins me, and stares at me, and dives into me and, with new eyes, I see as through his eyes, I hear with his ears, and roll over in the hillside mud, embarrassed of my doubt, shamed for my impatience, abashed for my lack of listening.Then, he comes out me, offers his hand, and pulls me out of the mud."Gather yourself...The world is coming. And you must be strong ... in me."