The Mirror

When I was pregnant with Zoey I painted this mirror to match her bedroom. She never knew, but I penciled in Psalm 139:14,17 before I painted it, praying it over her life- that she would always know that Gods thoughts toward her are "precious" & that she is "wonderfully" made- even when the world lies to her that she isnt.

Well this Christmas she said she had a special gift she wanted to give to me. It was the mirror. She said that she wanted me to look in it each day to see something beautiful. 

God uses the things we speak over our kids to speak back to us. Make sure you are listening just as intently as you desire them to.

for him, just a story... for me, a prayer answered.

We were driving home from church last night when I heard Isaac call my name.

Isaac: "Mom, I have a friend at school whose aunt is in the hospital. Her heart is working, but her brain isn't."

Me: "Really? That is so sad. How did you know about it?"

Isaac: "He told me."

Me: "Did he tell the whole class, or just you?"

Isaac: "Just me. It was weird, he said that he felt like he should tell me."

Me: "Why do you think he felt that way?"

Isaac: "Probably because he knows I pray."

To him it was just a story from school... to me it was an answer to prayer.

I hid the tears pretty well in the darkness of the truck, and I'm pretty sure he never knew. I'm confident it was God's little way of reminding me that His light will shine through my kids, even when they are unaware.

Ronnie.

I knew Ronnie Smith.

I grew up with his family.

His parents were my youth leaders.

I swam in his pool, played in his basement and ate his parent's amazing cooking.

Growing up, he was just a boy.

A boy who would annoy his sister and I when we were downstairs perfecting our dances, threatening to tell everyone at school how weird we were. I told him I didn't care... he knew that I did.

A few years ago he moved to North Africa with his young family to further the Gospel to a people who hadn't experienced God's love. To say I was inspired by this move would be an understatement... I was challenged, and slightly jealous.

A life filled with the purpose of God.

A life set apart from materialism, showmanship and narcissism.

A life laid down for others.

A life of love... true love.

 His sacrifice challenged mine.

It still challenges mine.

He is a hero... not only because he died for Christ, but because he truly lived for Him.

Ronnie,

You left a legacy that wasn't necessarily your intent.

You desired to show God to a people who didn't know Him, and in turn you also challenged the people who claim Him as their Lord to do the same. You marked our life with a question.... a question that we should have asked a long time ago: What are we truly here for?

That question will haunt every decision we make, every breath we take, every place we find ourselves... and I pray that through the tears of loss, we will find purpose, destiny and calling.

You will be in our stories to our children late at night... the man we reference when we talk about passion, faithfulness and mission... the heart we long to fashion ours after as the years go by.

We love you. You will be forever missed.

"Pray that many will see the passion of this young couple and stand in His gap to fulfill the great commission. 'Do not fear any of those things which you are about to suffer. . . . Be faithful until death, and I will give you the crown of life.' —Revelation 2:10"
-Benny Matthews

CBS News Report about Ronnie
Fox News Report about Ronnie
John Piper talks about Ronnie
"The History of Redemption" Sermon by Ronnie
"The History of Redemption" book edited by Ronnie

Her Moment.

It was a real moment.

One I will not soon forget.

We were driving to church... listening to this song.

All of a sudden I hear Zoey call my name.

I could tell she was crying.

"What's wrong baby?"

Then she said something that struck my core.

"While I was worshiping to that song, I started to cry because I love Jesus so much. He is good all the time and he died for my sins."

We had just then pulled up to the church and Chris had come out to help me with the kids. She shared her encounter with him, still very choked up. We all were choked up.
She is our worshiper and is very sensitive to the leading of the Lord.

He is real... and He made Himself known.

Not because we prodded or pleaded or manipulated.

Simply because He wanted to.

For that I am forever grateful.

I was trying to record her talking about it.
We got the basics.

Proud of my 1st Grader

Isaac: "Mom, I asked everyone at my table at school today if they knew Jesus. They all said that they did, so that's good... Remind me tomorrow that when I get off the bus I am going to go upstairs and spend some time praying to Jesus during the fast."

It's times like these that I feel like all the hard work is paying off....

or that's God's grace really IS enough.

1 Corinthians 16:14

The kids were napping so I took the opportunity to run out to the grocery store by myself. While I was checking out there was a stressed mom behind me and her kids were letting her know very loudly that they had enough. I could tell she was embarrassed by the way they were acting by the tears that started to form in eyes. I put all my stuff in the truck and saw her start to load her van behind me. I couldn't shake the feeling that I needed to talk to her... encourage her... bless her. I started over twice and convinced myself to turn around thinking about the fact that I might be embarrassing her by trying to comfort her. Finally, I got over myself and walked over there. As soon as she saw me she started to cry and said "I'm so sorry you had to see that." I started to rub her back and tell her how much I could relate. I gave her some money to get a coffee on her way home and asked if I could pray for her and her kids. She cried harder and asked why I was doing this. I told her that God sees her... she said she wondered that very thing this morning. The story goes on, and by the end we were both in tears.

I am SO done second guessing.

The fact is, I pray for opportunities to minister when all I have to do is look around me. There are hurting people, discouraged people, lonely people and overwhelmed people ALL around us. They are all in need of God's love.... just like we are. I want to let God use me to touch them.

Her name is Stephanie and she has 3 young kids, and she will be at the top of my prayer list this week.

overtake.

I was in my office at the church today working on something that needed to be completed before I left for the day. As I was typing on my computer I felt an urgent sense to pray. I stopped what I was doing and offered up a quick prayer. As I started to conclude, I was overcome with a stronger urgency to continue. I tried to shake it since I had a deadline, but couldn't. I ended up kneeling in the corner and couldn't compose myself. I kept feeling the Lord prompt my heart to pray that He would OVERTAKE. I started to pray that the Lord would overtake my heart... overtake my family... overtake our LifeGroup... overtake our church... overtake our community, etc. I feel like the Lord was revealing to me my critical need for Him to OVERTAKE my life.... my plans.... my hopes... my endeavors.... that they wouldn't just be offered over to Him, but that He would be commissioned to engulf, to overwhelm, to consume, to envelop my life. I became completely undone.

At that exact moment, this song came on my computer. I love moments like that.

Fill me up!

We were driving home from a long day.

The kids were going nuts and I was about to lose my mind.

Then this song came on.

I turned it up as loud as I could.

I started to  sing at the top of my lungs to God.... "Fill me up, God!"

Once I composed myself I turned down the music.

My kids continued to sing without the music... "Fill me up, God!"

It's like God was winking down at me.

thanking God for the seemingly unimportant.

Just a little testimony:

{It's sad to think that sometimes God's answer to our prayer has become commonplace to us.}

We had received a letter home from Isaac's school this spring that he had not passed his hearing test in his right ear. He had tubes put in a few years back to combat some issues he had and it worked like a charm. Chris and I prayed that God would heal his ears so that we wouldn't have to go through that process again, or something greater. I had mentioned it to our primary care doctor today during Isaac's well-child visit. She peeked in the ear and saw that he still had remnants of his tube (it should have fallen out after the 1st year). They did a saline ear treatment to flush out the tube {which we now have in a vial in our kitchen... boys are gross} and then did another ear test. He passed with flying colors. I know it seems small, but I really took time today to thank the Lord for answering our prayer... for constantly having his hand on our family. I guess I could explain it away and say that there never really was an issue, that the tube just needed to be removed... but I know my God who guides every step in order to fulfill His greater purpose. I trust in that.

this wasn't on the list.

We made a list.

A list to put others above ourselves.

To give us a platform to discuss loving... giving... preferring.

Today we did something that wasn't on the list.

We were getting ready to pull out of the parking lot of the grocery store when I heard someone having a hard time starting their car. I looked to my right and saw a elderly man (probably in his 80s) struggling with what to do now that his vehicle wouldn't start up. I debated whether or not to do anything... you kind of have to do that when you have 4 kids. I looked around... no one else noticed... or at least they were good at acting like they didn't. I couldn't shake it. I had to act. We called his son on my cell and no one answered. I convinced him to let me drive him home. Isaac's eyes were wide open when "Al" slowly got in the front seat.

"Isaac, this is Al, we are going to give him a ride home."

Al told us all about his wife who passed away 10 years ago, and how much he loved her. He told us how he built the house he lives in back in the 40s. He told us about his 8 kids and how they are his "inheritance from the Lord." It was one of the most fun car rides I have had in a long time... even with Elijah screaming bloody murder in the backseat. 

"I'm so sorry that my son likes to scream."

"That's ok, kids are meant to be loud."

I'll probably never see Al again, but I'm glad I was able to be his "angel" (that's what he kept calling me... I like it!) I'm even more grateful for the conversation it sparked with my son on the way home about preferring others. Even better was the look on Chris' face when my son announced at dinner that "mom picked up some guy at the grocery store and we went to his house."

his big hand.

One of our kids had a pretty bad nightmare last night and was frightened, but wouldn't wake up. Chris wasn't home from work yet and I couldn't settle them down, so I brought them into bed with me so I could pray. They finally fell asleep and Chris put them back in their bed when he got home. 

This morning I asked them if they remembered last night at all.

"All I remember is daddy putting me back in bed. I knew it was daddy because of the way his big hand felt on my back."

I love that.

I could make a beautiful Father God reference, but I'll just leave it at that.

much needed encouragement

It's things like this email from one of Isaac's teachers at church that makes what we do SO worth it. My heart is overwhelmed. Let me also add that I am so incredibly blessed by the men and women who volunteer their time each week to pour into my children. It's humbling.

We did worship and prayer together before we started our lesson at church last night. We put on worship music and the kids were walking around praying and worshiping. I happened to look up and I saw Isaac walking around and worshiping God with his whole heart. He was so into it, and not fooling around like some of the other kids,and it made me realize that he is watching what we do as adults and how much I need to have this childlike faith. Lori, he was so into praying and talking to God that it brought tears to my eyes. I was just so overwhelmed that he was into talking to God,and it challenged me to not care about who is watching me and to just put my whole heart into talking and praising God. He listens so well and loves to answer questions when we ask them!

I also wanted to tell you how good of a job you are doing with raising your kids. I can't even imagine how hard it can get be sometimes, but you are doing a great job and I hope that one day when I have kids, that my kids will love Jesus as much as Isaac does. It challenged me more than you know! I love you and your kids. It's hard some days because you never know if they are really getting what you are saying, but Isaac loves to answer questions and is so attentive!

The White TicTacs

Attention New Lifers:

Here is the video interview with Zoey after our TicTac incident.

If only it were simple things like this!

it's a "black-sharpie-list" kind of day.

I woke up this morning in a panic.

I have mountains of things to do and don't have the time to do them.

When I do "have the time" I don't have the "quiet" I need to concentrate.

I honestly didn't know where to start.... so I started with my Bible.

OF COURSE I would read this...

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. (Isaiah 40:28-31)

What does jealous mean?

Isaac: Mom, what does "jealous" mean?

Me: It means that you are upset because you want
something someone else has.

Isaac: That doesn't make sense...
then why did that song just say that God is jealous?

(We were listening to the song "Spiritual Revolution" by Jake Hamilton where is says, "You are the standard. You are jealous, and I believe You have called me to be holy, I can't retreat")

The conversation that took place after that question was so intense, and I loved every minute of it. It was one of the 1st steps in my children understanding the unconditional, ravishing love of their Creator! If you have never done an in-depth study on the "Jealousy of God" I encourage you to do so...

you will never be the same again!

Exodus 34:14
"Do not worship any other god, for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God."

Deuteronomy 4:23,24

Take care, lest you forget the covenant of the LORD your God, which he made with you, and make a carved image, the form of anything that the LORD your God has forbidden you. For the LORD your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God.

Here it is in a nutshell:

God's very name is Jealous. The jealousy of the flesh says "you have something I want and I hate you for it." The jealousy of El Qanna is a zeal that arises when sin threatens a covenant relationship. El Qanna arose in God to the extent of the sacrifice of His only Son.

Loving the Little Years

I read the most incredible book today.

Seriously... it was a game-changer.

It's called "Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches" by Rachel Jankovic

Unfortunately, I don't have much time for reading, so this 100 page book was perfect for the few hours I had to myself today. It was a book given to me by one of the women in my life who I consider a spiritual mentor and it was an incredible read... super easy too. Each chapter is only a few pages long, so you can pick it up and put it down as needed.

If you are a mom of young children, PLEASE consider picking this book and reading it. I laughed, I cried and I changed my entire perspective. Here are a couple of the things the author said that I had to close the book to ponder more.

"I can no longer be overwhelmed...

it's time to adjust to the work load God has given me."

"The state of your heart is the state of your home."

.. and then the entire chapter entitled "Know Your Sheep" messed me up pretty good. She talked about the fact that Christian child-rearing is a pastoral pursuit, not a organizational challenge. Wow! I definitely needed to hear that today!

Anyway, just wanted to share my newest find and the fact that it gave me the encouragement I needed during a very hectic time. Plus, I am happy to say that I was able to try the award winning "Coconut Lemongrass Latte" from Espresso Elevado.. and yes, it tastes just like it sounds.

is it still January?

I share this story for 2 reasons.... #1 to have record of it, and #2 to encourage us as parents that God is constantly working in our kids, whether we always see it or not.

As we were getting ready to leave my parents house this afternoon, Zoey reminded me that Grandma Neva told her she could have a sucker after she ate her lunch. I grabbed the sucker bowl and let her pick one out. I held it out to Isaac next and told him to pick one. 

"No thank you, mom"

"Would you rather have a couple of these M&Ms, buddy?"

"No thank you"

What? I honestly can't think of a single time that Isaac turned down anything sweet, especially if it's chocolate! What in the world is going on? I told him to just put a couple in his pocket for later, and after he looked at me funny, he finally agreed. When we got in the car I asked him why he didn't want any candy. It's not that I minded, I hate when they eat candy, but I was so baffled!

"Is it still January?"

"Yes, it will be for awhile... but why didn't you want candy?"

"I told Jesus I was fasting candy for January."

I couldn't believe it. I had talked to him about fasting at the beginning of the month and it didn't go as well as I had imagined. I didn't want to force the issue because I didn't want him growing up despising it because he was forced to do it when he was young. That Wednesday they talked about it in his class and he was so excited to fast candy for Jesus. I thought he had forgotten because he didn't bring it up again. (we don't have candy in the house on a regular basis). I was so blown away and so humbled that my little man was so adamant about finishing what He promised the Lord (he gets that tenacity from his daddy).

All this to say that kids are never too young to take the things of the Lord seriously... and they are never too young to challenge their parents to do the same!

God always has a way of reaching us....

I was so excited to sit through service tonight. My brother Matt was leading worship, my brother Tommy was preaching and I was ready to spend some time with God. Unfortunately Elijah woke up fussy right as the 2nd song was starting. I spent the rest of the remainder of the service in the hall and in the nursery, so I decided to leave a few minutes early. Zoey threw herself on the ground in the hallway and starting kicking her feet, Isaac was pouting because he didn't get to finish the game in his class and Elijah decided it was time to become hysterical.

On the drive home I put on some spontaneous worship songs by Kim Walker to drown out the noise and started to become a little emotional. I don't think it's possible to worship God and be self-loathing at the same time, but if it is, then I was doing it. Then all of a sudden in a really quiet voice, I heard my 4-year old say...

"I love the Holy Spirit."

And just like that it became one of the best nights of my life.

yes, that's the book for me

After I got the kids ready for church this morning, I went to get myself and Elijah ready as well. I walked back in to see the kids spending time with their Bibles. It was a good morning!

"... whisper my own love song."

 One of my favorite things in life is catching my kids having their own time with God. It amazes me how quickly they learn to give God praise and worship, without being coaxed or led. Last year I caught Isaac doing this (I wrote about it HERE)

This morning I found Zoey doing the same thing. She just kept cheering for Jesus and raising her hands. It  makes me so greatful for a God who loves on us no matter what age we are, or what stage of understanding we find ourselves in. My ONE DESIRE while deciding to have kids was that they would love God with all their heart and know Him intimately.. and it's starting now!